Prayer Is Why I Am Still Standing: 30+ Years of Talking to God

I started praying when I was 13 years old.

I did not know then that prayer would become the one thing that carried me through every season of my life. Not my plans. Not my money. Not my talent. Prayer.

This is my story. And this is why I believe prayer is not a religious habit. It is a lifeline.

A Calling at 13: Three Roles, One Identity

At 13, I already knew something about my life. I had to serve God.

And I knew how. I would serve Him in three ways:

Through my profession, as an engineer or a medical doctor.
Through ministry, serving God's people and His church.
Through family, as a spouse and a parent.

I never saw these roles as separate boxes. Work on Monday, church on Sunday, family at night. That is not how I understood my life.

To me, they were three things in one. Together, they defined my identity. Not three lives. One life. One calling.

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." Colossians 3:23 (ESV)

So I started praying about it.

I prayed with a bold vision in my heart. I wanted to become a builder, a founder of systems that help people. First people. Then companies. Then countries. And eventually, the world.

That is a big dream for a 13-year-old. Some would call it too big. But I believe a vision from God should be bigger than you. If you can do it alone, you do not need to pray about it.

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us." Ephesians 3:20 (ESV)

That was the dream I was carrying when everything fell apart.

What Prayer Actually Is

Prayer is talking to God and listening to Him.

That is the simple version. A child can understand it. But after 30+ years, I have learned that prayer is also much deeper:

Prayer is relationship. It is how I stay connected to the Creator of the universe.
Prayer is processing. It is where I bring my pain, my questions, and my fears.
Prayer is gratitude. It is how I thank God for what I have, and even for what I do not have yet.
Prayer is alignment. It is where my plans get adjusted to God's plans.

Prayer was never meant to be a transaction, where we give God words and He gives us things. I wrote about this in Prayer Was Never Meant to Be Transactional. Prayer is meant to change us.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6–7 (ESV)

The Year Everything Changed

When I graduated from high school, the dream had a clear next step.

My father had promised to help me become a medical doctor. The plan was to study in Canada. I could see my future. It was mapped out.

Then my father suddenly passed away.

In one moment, the plan was gone. The person who believed in that dream, and who was going to fund it, was gone.

With limited resources for me and my siblings, there was no way to leave for Canada after the funeral. So we waited. We waited for additional funding, and it took a couple of years to come.

Those years were hard. Waiting is hard. Grief is hard. Waiting while grieving is even harder.

But I kept praying.

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 (ESV)

Two Doors, $600, and a Leap of Faith

When the funding finally came, God opened two doors.

I was admitted to the Université de Bruxelles in Belgium. Later, I was also admitted to Africa University in Zimbabwe.

Zimbabwe was cheaper, so that is where I went.

Here is the math. Tuition at Africa University was about $3,900 a year. I had $600.

That does not add up. I knew it did not add up. But I was hoping for a full scholarship to cover tuition and board. I was trusting God.

By the time I arrived in Zimbabwe, I had less than $200 left.

Then, after my first semester, I found out the truth. I was never supposed to be receiving a scholarship. I owed the university about $2,000.

Picture that. A young man, far from home, father gone, less than $200 in his pocket, and a debt he could not pay.

Many people would quit. Many people would lose their faith.

I prayed.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5–6 (ESV)

Between my father's passing and the day I arrived at Africa University, the only thing that helped me was prayer. Not a bank account. Not a connection. Prayer.

A Stranger Who Chose to Be a Good Neighbor

Prayer does not only change you. It brings the right people into your life.

On my journey, I met a stranger. She did not owe me anything. She did not have to help me. But she chose to be a good neighbor.

What started as kindness from a stranger grew into something much deeper. We became so close that she became a mother to me.

I do not believe that was luck. God connected us. She became God's blessing in my life, and she changed my life for good.

"God settles the solitary in a home." Psalm 68:6 (ESV)

Jesus once told a story about a stranger who stopped to help a man everyone else passed by. Then He asked who had been the real neighbor. The answer was simple: the one who showed mercy.

"You go, and do likewise." Luke 10:37 (ESV)

This is something I have learned over 30+ years: prayer draws people together so God's mission can be accomplished. When you pray, God does not only open doors. He sends people to walk through them with you.

Why I Pray

People ask me why I still pray after everything I have been through. Here is my honest answer.

I pray because I believe. Faith is not a feeling for me. It is a decision I make every morning. Prayer is that decision in action.

"And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." Hebrews 11:6 (ESV)

I pray to process my struggles. Prayer is where I take what is too heavy to carry alone. I do not have to pretend with God. I bring Him the grief, the debt, the fear, and the confusion.

"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7 (ESV)

I pray to give thanks for what I have and what I do not have. I believe what I do not have yet has already been provided, because of the greater mission God has called me to. Gratitude is not only for what is in my hand. It is also for what God has already prepared.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (ESV)

I pray because I have a relationship with my Creator. You talk to the people you love. Prayer is simply the conversation of a son with his Father. I explored this in Prayer as Communion: From Ritual to Relationship.

I pray to stay connected to the Source. God is the source of everything I need to accomplish His work. When I stay connected, I have what I need.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5 (ESV)

I pray because of my limitations. This one matters most to my work. I am not smart enough on my own. When I pray, God enhances my ability to understand systems and people's needs. He gives me the grace to design and build technical solutions for my clients: companies, students, pastors, and churches.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5 (ESV)

Prayer for Builders: Engineers, Doctors, Pastors, Founders, and Creators

You might think prayer is only for pastors. It is not. Prayer is for anyone who builds, heals, leads, or creates.

I wrote about this in The Server Room and the Prayer Room Ask the Same Thing of You. Both ask for focus, discipline, and showing up when nobody is watching.

Even Jesus, the greatest builder of all, made prayer a priority before big decisions and big work:

"In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose from them twelve, whom he named apostles." Luke 6:12–13 (ESV)

He prayed first. Then He built His team.

What 30+ Years of Prayer Has Given Me

When I look back over 30+ years, here is what I see.

Prayer helped me come this far. From a grieving teenager to a pastor, an engineer, a mentor, and a founder.

Today, I work at IBM, supporting IBM's private and public sector clients. The 13-year-old who prayed about building systems for companies and countries now gets to serve both businesses and public institutions. I am grateful I can do this in addition to everything God has allowed me to build over the last 10+ years.

Prayer helped me stay sane. When life did not make sense, prayer gave me peace that did not depend on my circumstances. I wrote about this in When Peace Feels Difficult.

Prayer helped me remain a disciple of Christ in spite of everything I have gone through.

Prayer helped me keep my three roles as one. Today I am not only a pastor. I am also an engineer, a mentor, and a founder. My work, my ministry, and my family never had to compete. In prayer, they come together as one calling.

And prayer keeps showing me what I am called to build. God is the Master Architect. I am invited to build with Him. You can read more in The Master Architect: Discovering What You Are Called to Build.

"Pray without ceasing." 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (ESV)

How to Start (Even If It Feels Hard)

If you have never prayed, or you stopped praying, start simple. Here is a small daily system you can use:

Thank Him. Name three things you are grateful for.
Tell Him the truth. Say what is hard right now. No polished words needed.
Ask Him. Ask for wisdom, provision, and direction for today.
Listen. Sit quietly for two minutes. Read one verse.
Go build. Do your work as an act of worship.

Five minutes a day. Every day. That is how I started at 13. That is how it compounds over 30+ years.

"Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known." Jeremiah 33:3 (ESV)

Final Thought

I lost my father. I lost my original plan. I arrived in a foreign country with less than $200 and a debt I could not pay.

But I never lost my connection to God.

The 13-year-old who prayed about building systems for people, companies, countries, and the world is still praying. And still building.

That is why I pray. And that is why I am still standing.

If you are in a season where nothing adds up, pray anyway. God is not limited by your math.